Facing the Fear

(This post is dedicated to people who have held back on decisions involving the things they really want)

Many of us (if not all) like talking about what we want to do with our lives. We talk about our dream jobs, the places we want to go to, hobbies we want to take up, etc. Some have that perennial urge to paint, dance, sing or act while some have ambitions of owning a business. The list goes on. There are a handful of people who have been able to decide to venture out and make their wants and dreams happen while many of us, at the end of the day, find that we never leave the point of dreaming. I do recognize that sometimes these aspirations that we loosely call “dreams” are merely whims. But what about those dreams which much more than mere fancy? Those dreams that deep down, we know really want but have been holding back on? What been stopping us?

I have been holding back on something I know I really want. When I discovered that the existence of this “thing”, I felt a jolt. Its something I’ve always hoped to find. (When I was in high school, I wondered what I could do in the future that could help me create a living. “Living” – earning well while creating real value for others.). I got excited and elated knowing that its possible and real. I started to envision making it happen. To take things a step further, I decided to take action. I wanted to measure up. Everything I felt needed to be learned, I tried studying. I’ve been trying my best since.

However as I went on, I found myself hesitating. Before I knew it, I unconsciously created one hundred and one reasons for me not to proceed… at least not yet. Some of the reasons are valid since there were things that were needed to be taken care of before I could freely give this dream a chance of materializing. Yet as the days passed, the reasons began turning into excuses. I’ve told myself “I’ll do it today” over and over. But its been months since I’ve actually moved forward.

Its absurd isn’t it. I know there are others out there who can relate. What stops a person from deciding to take the leap?

Fear.

Fear that it may not happen. Fear of failure. Fear of mistakes. Fear of many other intangible uncertainties. Should we let these fears stop us? The reality is, it has stopped many people when it shouldn’t (that includes me). Thanks to a recent wake up call and a random eureka moment, I’ve been able to finally painfully admit to myself that I’m actually afraid. It was at that point that the central reason for my reluctance became clear to me (its something very personal which I shall not discuss here). It was only after accepting the fear that I was able to see exactly what was happening to me.

In my search for finding ways to deal with this, I picked up a book which my grandfather has repeatedly asked me to read. Its one of his favorites – “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living” by Dale Carnegie. It is , practical, real, simple, straight to the point, brilliant…and it really helped me put things in perspective.

According to Dale Carnegie, in dealing with worry and fear, there is a simple yet powerful formula that we can use.

1)      Ask yourself, “What is the worst that can possibly happen?”

2)      Prepare to accept it if you have to.

3)      Then calmly proceed to improve on the worst

Some fears are irrational while some are some fears are valid. Whatever the case, focusing on the fear will always hinder you from taking action towards your goal. (I guess thats what happened to me). Face the fear by acknowledge it, not nurturing it. I believe that what makes a man brave is not in being fearless (there is no such things as fearless anyway), but in being able to face the fear and overcome it. Overcome it by accepting it. There’s liberation in acceptance.

After you’ve recognized the worst case scenario, do the opposite and paint the ideal picture in your head – The picture of what you want, how you want it, and how good it can be and will be. It helps balance self- preparation with your hoped outcome. When I did this, I felt a calm which I haven’t felt in a long time. This is one process I’ll always remember and apply to my life

After this, the uncertainty doesn’t seem so daunting anymore.

I’m going for it.